On Blu-ray/DVD: UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB (2018) and DOWN A DARK HALL (2018)

UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB 
(US - 2018)

2015's UNFRIENDED had some problems (like teenagers who looked to be in their mid-20s, and a late-film collapse into cheap jump scares and tilted BLAIR WITCH camera angles), but the real-time, Skype-set fright flick was more compelling than it had any business being. Unfolding entirely on a computer screen, the inevitable sequel UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB tells a different story with a similar set-up, jettisoning the supernatural angle of its predecessor to focus on an online game night that goes horrifically off the rails. Acquiring a laptop through the dubious means of grabbing it after it was left behind at a coffee shop, Matias (John Mayer lookalike Colin Woodell) plans on joining some college friends on Skype for Cards Against Humanity. At the same time, he's trying to smooth things over with his deaf girlfriend Amaya (Stephanie Nogueras), who's tired of his lax efforts in learning to sign. The laptop, which he tells everyone he got on Craigslist, repeatedly glitches out and messages keep coming through for its rightful owner. Things escalate in a gradual fashion, with Matias finding some truly disturbing videos on the laptop as he's getting some increasingly hostile instant messages from the laptop's owner, the apparent culprit behind an abduction seen in one of the videos of a missing girl who's currently all over the local news.

UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB is grounded in relative reality, even if it glosses over the more intricate aspects of its technological capabilities and doesn't really have anything to do with social media. Without divulging spoilers, Matias and his friends--paranoid conspiracy theorist AJ (Connor Del Rio), aspiring DJ Lexx (Savira Windyani), just-engaged couple Serena (Rebecca Rittenhouse) and Nari (Blumhouse regular Betty Gabriel), and London-based Damon (Andrew Lees)--soon get in way over their heads with a cabal of superhackers intent on making them--and Amaya--pay for Matias' bad judgment. There's some forced humor and a little of Del Rio's grating AJ goes a long way, but some sly jokes land, like writer and debuting director Stephen Susco (whose past scripts include THE GRUDGE, TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D, and BEYOND THE REACH) opening with a static shot of what we soon realize are Matias' failed login attempts to his ill-gotten gain, starting with passwords like "password" and "login," and ending with desperation Hail Marys like "FeelTheBern" and "Covfefe." Like a lot of films of this sort, UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB probably only works once, but it succeeds on a base, visceral level, especially once the stakes get serious and almost inconceivably cruel, leading to a late reveal reminiscent of a great late '90s paranoia thriller that's never really gotten the respect it deserves. Four endings were shot, and some different ones apparently played in various theaters around the country. Three are presented on the Blu-ray as alternate endings, and only one is even remotely uplifting. By no means is this some modern horror classic, but co-producer Timur Bekmambetov has a knack for shepherding these kinds of things where others (like Nacho Vigalondo's OPEN WINDOWS, which couldn't wait to ditch its core premise) have fallen short. Bekmambetov would finally perfect this online scare formula with the late summer sleeper hit SEARCHING, but like UNFRIENDED, this mean and uncompromising sequel surpasses expectations. (R, 92 mins)



DOWN A DARK HALL
(Spain/US - 2018)

Based on a 1974 YA novel by Lois Duncan (I Know What You Did Last Summer, Hotel for Dogs), DOWN A DARK HALL has some intriguing ideas but the story never comes together, getting bogged down in sentimentality and shot in such a murky, dimly-lit way that it's often impossible to tell what's going on. Updated to the present day with era-appropriate can't-even and "#whatever" 'tude, troubled teen Katherine "Kit" Gordy (AnnaSophia Robb) has been suspended from school, had a misdemeanor arrest, is facing an arson charge, and, as the school psychologist points out, is so disengaged from school that she got an F in gym. Kit's never gotten over the death of her beloved father when she was nine, and her mom (Kirsty Mitchell) and stepdad (Jim Sturgeon) are at a loss as to what to do with her. Dr. Sinclair (Jodhi May) recommends she be sent to the remote, isolated, and ominously gothic-looking Blackwood Boarding School, run by Madame Duret (Uma Thurman, apparently entering the "sinister boarding school headmistress" phase of her career). There's only four other students--Izzy (ORPHAN's Isabelle Fuhrman), Sierra (Rosie Day), Ashley (Taylor Russell), and pyromaniac mean girl Veronica (Victoria Moroles)--all with behavioral and psychological issues, though Madame Duret is certain she can find the artistic, creative young women within. It isn't long before aspiring painter Sierra is crafting brilliant, ambitious canvases, brainy Izzy is solving impossible mathematical equations, and Kit, who long ago abandoned her interest in music, is playing emotionally-draining and difficult pieces on the piano, almost as if a spirit has possessed each of them them and is bleeding the art out of them. And of course, they start seeing ghosts in the hallways along with other supernatural happenings, all of which are written off by the clearly up-to-something Madame Duret.

Directed by Rodrigo Cortes (BURIED, RED LIGHTS) and co-written by Chris Sparling (BURIED, ATM, THE SEA OF TREES), DOWN A DARK HALL benefits from some well-crafted, Guillermo del Toro-esque production design in the long corridors of Blackwood, but once the horror kicks in, too much of the film is spent trying to watch Kit wander around in almost total darkness until an occasional spectral jump scare appears in the frame. Robb (SOUL SURFER) is convincingly angry without coming across as too obnoxiously bratty, and Thurman has some fun with a freewheeling, all-purpose Euro accent as Madame Duret, but DOWN A DARK HALL has too many tedious stretches, and once its ghostly goings-on are explained, it doesn't really hold up to much scrutiny even by horror genre standards, especially considering that the recruitment of these "gifted" girls has been going on undetected for quite some time. It looks great when you can see what's going on, and the setting, the characters, and the climax definitely have some enjoyable shout-outs to SUSPIRIA, but even with the easy box office of YA-based horror, it's not really a mystery why Summit and Lionsgate relegated this misfire to VOD this past summer with its 2016 copyright still displayed in the credits. (PG-13, 96 mins)

On DVD/Blu-ray: RED LIGHTS (2012) and IRON SKY (2012)

RED LIGHTS
(Spain/US - 2012)

I'd probably have to go back to 2010's LEGION to find a horror film that starts off so promisingly and implodes as catastrophically as RED LIGHTS.  Written and directed by Rodrigo Cortes (the "Ryan Reynolds in a box" cult thriller BURIED), RED LIGHTS is an initially intriguing look at the world of academic skeptics debunking the supernatural.  Psychologist Margaret Matheson (Sigourney Weaver) and her physicist assistant Tom Buckley (Cillian Murphy) have never encountered a case of supposed paranormal activity or psychic phenomena they couldn't disprove.  Meanwhile, long-retired 1970's blind celebrity psychic Simon Silver (Robert De Niro) has emerged from self-imposed exile and Buckley wants to go after him, despite warnings from Matheson that Silver--with whom she's dealt before--is dangerous and nothing like the typical scam artists they usually face.  Cortes gets things rolling very effectively and there's a nice John Carpenter vibe to the film's first half, but it starts seriously skidding with the unexpected exit of one major character and the story just gets sillier by the scene, culminating in an infuriating twist ending that renders the preceding 105 minutes moot.  There's a lot of good actors left stranded--Joely Richardson, Toby Jones, and Elizabeth Olsen have supporting roles--and Cortes wastes an excellent performance by Weaver but, sorry to say, De Niro is a major reason why RED LIGHTS doesn't work.  He's horribly miscast, visibly bored, and just completely wrong for this film's personification of psychic evil.  It's never believable for a moment that Silver's return would cause such a media frenzy, and at no point does De Niro convey the kind of charisma that a huge celebrity of this sort should.  He's just a stone-faced, sleepwalking bore throughout, and for some reason, I kept picturing how perfect someone like Jeff Goldblum might've been as Silver--someone who can convincingly demonstrate both the eccentric charm and the sense of supernatural menace that's required.  Hell, even a Nicolas Cage would've at least brought some energy to the role.  I think De Niro was more engaged in FREELANCERS--either he's coasting for a quick paycheck and a free Spanish vacation or underplaying it to the point of catatonia. It's a shame, because RED LIGHTS starts off so well and is one of those rare horror films geared toward an adult audience, cast with living legends like De Niro and Weaver, and it just ends up a crushing disappointment. Almost worth seeing for the laughable Simon Silver flashback where a young actor with a stick-on mole does the worst De Niro impression this side of an open-mic night at your local Chuckle Hut.  Barely released in US theaters, grossing $52,000 on just 18 screens. (R, 114 mins)

IRON SKY
(Finland/Austria/Denmark/Germany/France/Australia - 2012)

Stylized, absurdist sci-fi comedy centered on the conspiracy theories that after WWII, the Nazis set up a secret base on the dark side of the moon.  Here, in 2018, they're led by the current Fuhrer, Kortzfleisch (Udo Kier) and they're planning on attack on Earth with their space fleet let by the massive warship Gotterdammerung.  They're accidentally discovered by two US astronauts.  They kill one and take the other, African-American James Washington (Christopher Kirby) prisoner, bleaching his hair and skin white to give him the perfect Ayran look.  Meanwhile, Washington is forced to accompany Kortzfleisch's ambitious second-in-command Adler (Gotz Otto) and his fiancee Renate (Julia Dietze) to Earth to obtain more of Washington's "computer phones" (cell phones) to aid in their takeover plot.  They end up sticking around on Earth when they cross paths with fashionista Vivian Wagner (Peta Sergeant), the bitch-on-wheels image consultant to the dim-witted, slogan-spouting Sarah Palin-esque US President (Stephanie Paul), who incorporates Renate's Nazi platitudes into her speeches.  Before long, Kortzfleisch arrives with the fleet and Adler puts the invasion in motion, with the Gotterdammerung forced to take on the space warship USS George W. Bush.

There's some sharp-edged satire throughout IRON SKY, particularly with the presentation of the American political scene (the US President is overjoyed that she gets to be a wartime President, citing that "They always get re-elected!"), and various plays on stereotypes (when Washington is a fugitive on the moon, the Nazis issue a news alert describing him as "unarmed and possibly angry"), and an inspired bit where Renate, a teacher, describes Chaplin's THE GREAT DICTATOR to her class as "a famous ten-minute short film," unaware that Nazi officials have censored the rest of it (I also liked the scene where United Nations representatives laugh at North Korea's hapless attempt to claim responsibility for the invasion of Earth).  There's some big laughs in IRON SKY, but it still seems like an SNL skit dragged out to feature length.  Perhaps a bit more sophisticated, yes, but it has long sections where it just seems to putter along.  Co-written and directed by Timo Vuorensola (who made two films in the STAR WRECK series of Finnish STAR TREK spoofs), IRON SKY got some attention in Europe as part of a new movement of communal, participatory filmmaking where online fans at an IRON SKY forum got to contribute ideas and pitched in with donations to help fund the film.  That's not to imply that it's some homemade, DIY film, when in fact, it's a multi-country co-production with an international cast, shot in several countries, with most of the interiors done in Australia.  IRON SKY isn't altogether successful and at times feels like a party guest who won't leave, but it does exhibit some occasionally daring bits of ballsy humor, and is definitely worth a look if you're in the right mood. (R, 93 mins)

On DVD/Blu-ray: THE TALL MAN (2012), THE LETTER (2012), and APARTMENT 143 (2012)

THE TALL MAN
(Canada/France - 2012)

Writer/director Pascal Laugier made a name for himself with 2008's savage horror film MARTYRS.  His follow-up film THE TALL MAN (no connection to Don Coscarelli's PHANTASM films) goes in a different direction stylistically, with almost no gore and with the focus being more on psychological horror.  In a lot of ways, it feels like a throwback that reminded me of all those great 1970s made-for-TV horror movies (when's the last time you saw quicksand in a movie?).  THE TALL MAN has a lot of ambition and tries to cover a lot of ground, and while, like MARTYRS, it's a provocative, imaginative, and sometimes daring film, it doesn't quite hang together despite a lot of positive ingredients.  It doesn't always work, but it's an admirable effort that really tries to do something different, and succeeds a bit more than it stumbles.  In a surprisingly strong performance, Jessica Biel is a widowed mom and doctor in the poverty-stricken former mining town of Cold Rock, outside of Seattle.  The mine closed years ago and the town is a wreck, with abandoned houses and wild dogs roaming the streets.  The only thing going on in Cold Rock is a traumatic string of child abductions by a figure known locally as The Tall Man.  The Tall Man apparently lives in the forest, and local mute teen Jodelle Ferland (the little girl from SILENT HILL back in 2006) claims to have seen him.  Cold Rock sheriff William B. Davis (THE X-FILES' Cigarette-Smoking Man!) mainly hangs out at the greasy spoon being useless while big-city detective Stephen McHattie investigates.  Sure enough, Biel is awakened one night and witnesses her young son being abducted by The Tall Man, but that's only the beginning of the story.

Laugier's structuring is unpredictable in that the film's primary twist happens unusually early on, and the rest of it deals less with the What's than with the Why's and How's.  Laugier very effectively plays his cards close to the vest, relying on subtlety and atmosphere, with some really nicely-done bits of editing, cinematography, and aerial and tracking shots. The problems arise when we're expected to swallow far too many implausibilities and inconsistencies, chief among them being how 18 children can go missing in a town this small and unpopulated with no one aware of what's really going on. The ultimate reveal comes not via bombastic surprise ending, but is rather low-key, contemplative, and doesn't provide any easy answers ("Right?  Right?  Right?").  Biel shows some serious chops here, but there's admittedly not much of a mainstream audience for a film like THE TALL MAN, especially for Laugier fans expecting a blood-and-torture-filled MARTYRS retread.  It's a slow and methodical little film with some unfortunate plot holes and logic gaps and it maybe could've used another script polish and maybe some tightening, but it's also unusually thoughtful, restrained, and serious for a horror film in 2012. (R, 106 mins, also streaming on Netflix)


THE LETTER
(US - 2012)

Remember when Lionsgate tried to sell William Friedkin's BUG as a mainstream horror movie?   They must be employing the same crew of bullshit artists in their marketing department, as their artwork ("She thought she saw a devil") and trailer for THE LETTER constitute 2012's most deliberately and willfully misleading ad campaign.  They're selling it as a suspense thriller with horror elements when in fact it's unwatchable film-school drivel trying to pass itself off as artsy and serious.  NYC writer Martine (Winona Ryder) is directing what looks to be the worst play ever staged and her life begins to unravel with the arrival of co-star Tyrone (James Franco), a manipulative, perpetually-smirking dick whose demeanor rubs everyone the wrong way.  Martine's relationship with boyfriend/co-star Raymond (Josh Hamilton) gets increasingly rocky as she constantly revises the script and the lines between fiction and reality blur and blah blah blah.  Lots of banal, stream of consciousness, freeform narration from Ryder as her character may or may not be in the midst of a schizophrenic episode and she may or may not be involved a hit and run accident involving a journalist (Dagmara Dominczyk).  Written and directed by Jay Anania, Franco's NYU film professor who previously directed the actor in 2010's instantly obscure SHADOWS AND LIES.  Somewhat reminiscent of Abel Ferrara's DANGEROUS GAME (1993), THE LETTER is a 90-minute Jay Anania home movie, probably made possible by the director's friendship with a famous, Oscar-nominated student.  It's amateurishly-shot and cheap-looking, almost like it's a class project where the assignment is to re-imagine BLACK SWAN as if directed by Henry Jaglom, and it's on roughly the same entertainment level as being waterboarded.  Possibly the worst film of 2012.  Look at this clip.  MUST LOVE JAWS is a more honest trailer than this.  (R, 94 mins)

APARTMENT 143
(Spain/France - 2012)

Written and produced by BURIED director Rodrigo Cortes, APARTMENT 143 (the original Spanish title EMERGO still remains on the film itself) attempts to fuse together all of the found footage films of the last few years, but it's done POV style so we see it as it happens.  Heavily indebted to PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, the film has a team of parapsychologists led by Michael O'Keefe investigating supernatural happenings in one unit of a dilapidated apartment building in downtown Los Angeles.  They've been hired by widower Kai Lennox, who lives with his angry teenage daughter Gia Mantegna (Joe's daughter, and she looks just like him) and four-year-old son Damian Roman, to get to the bottom of strange happenings that have followed them from their previous residence, and it all started when his wife died.  Cortes can't seem to settle on what exactly is going on here, so he just rips off everything before skidding to a thoroughly unsatisfying conclusion.  O'Keefe's insistence that hauntings and ghosts aren't real and there's no such thing as supernatural events and poltergeists doesn't really gel with the fact that they all clearly see the mother's ghost appear, but promptly forget about it as mandated by the made-up-as-it-goes-along script.  And even after Mantegna becomes visibly possessed and starts speaking in her mother's voice and doing a by-the-numbers EXORCIST impression, O'Keefe still stupidly writes it off as "early onset schizophrenia," with the possibility that it's a manifestation of buried memories of child molestation.  Rooms shake, winds howl, people are hurled across the room, laptop files erase themselves, motion sensors activate, pictures turn themselves upside down, tea kettles move themselves off the stove, and Mantegna levitates, and it's all just hormones and pent-up teen rage.  Director Carles Torrens stages a couple of decent jolts, but Cortes' script somehow manages to go in twenty different directions without really going anywhere, and it's all capped off with a not-so-twist ending that proves the dumb doctor wrong anyway.  You've seen it all before, and much better. At least it's short. (R, 80 mins, also streaming on Netflix)