In Theaters: THIS IS THE END (2013)

THIS IS THE END
(US - 2013)

Written and directed by Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg.  Cast: James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, Michael Cera, Emma Watson, Mindy Kaling, David Krumholtz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Rihanna, Martin Starr, Kevin Hart, Aziz Ansari. (R, 107 mins)

The Apocalypse arrives, opening up a sinkhole to Hell in James Franco's front yard and swallowing a bunch of narcissistic, self-important Hollywood assholes in the often very funny THIS IS THE END, the latest end-of-the-world movie, following IT'S A DISASTER and with Edgar Wright's THE WORLD'S END due out later this summer.  Co-star Seth Rogen wrote and directed with his writing partner Evan Goldberg (the two also wrote SUPERBAD), and having this group of Hollywood friends playing versions of themselves facing the End of Days is a promising premise that gets off to a screamingly funny start before devolving into a huge special effects extravaganza by the end, complete with a tired EXORCIST parody that no one needed.

Rogen picks up old friend and fellow Canadian Jay Baruchel at the airport.  Baruchel's in town to chill with Rogen and is hesitant to accompany him to a housewarming bash at James Franco's luxurious new pad in the Hollywood hills.  The insecure Baruchel isn't comfortable around Rogen's newer Hollywood friends but goes anyway, and it's the opening party sequence that's undeniably the film's highlight.  Whether the cast members are busting each others' balls or talking smack about others ("Craig Robinson's a great guy.  Sweats a lot, but he's a great guy") or playing completely ridiculous alternate universe versions of themselves (the insane pinnacle being Michael Cera as a coked-up, bare-assed Michael Cera, getting fellated and rimmed by two hot models while drinking a Capri-Sun), there's quite a bit of savage inside joking going on, and it's smartly-written, hilariously vulgar, and admirably self-deprecating.  But when "the end" comes, most of the cast is killed off (Kevin Hart saves himself by kicking Aziz Ansari into the pit), with Rogen, Baruchel, Robinson, a touchy-feely Jonah Hill (who has a weird fixation on Baruchel), and uninvited party-crasher and compulsive masturbator Danny McBride barricading themselves with Franco in their host's house.

As assorted demons and other hellspawn swirl around outside and all of Hollywood is engulfed in flames, the biting satire gives way to a frequently self-indulgent bro-fest.  It's consistently amusing, but only occasionally finds the level of inspiration in the opening act.  There's a great ROSEMARY'S BABY riff, and, with all their down time, the group finds time to make a crude quickie sequel to PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (Franco: "That was fun!  We should make sequels to all of our movies!"  Robinson: "How about we not do YOUR HIGHNESS II?"), but some of the jokes fizzle, especially once Hill becomes possessed by a demon with a huge erection, and, apparently taking a cue from their mentor Judd Apatow, the film goes on far longer than it needs to (and undoubtedly even longer in the inevitable "extreme unrated extended apocalyptic!!" Blu-ray edition).  Still, if you like the actors, it's funny, especially when they start cracking on each other (McBride to Rogen: "That's some better acting than I've seen in your last six movies.  Where was that shit in THE GREEN HORNET?") and mocking themselves (Hill: "We'll be fine.  This is Hollywood!  They'll rescue the big stars first.  George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me").  Sure, you're pretty much watching a bunch of buddies hang out and goof on each other (I wish Cera would've stuck around--he seemed to be the most willing to mercilessly skewer himself) and it fizzles a bit in the back end, but it's a pretty good time.

In Theaters: MAN OF STEEL (2013)

MAN OF STEEL
(US - 2013)

Directed by Zack Snyder.  Written by David S. Goyer.  Cast: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne, Antje Traue, Ayelet Zurer, Christopher Meloni, Harry Lennix, Richard Schiff, Michael Kelly, Dylan Sprayberry, Cooper Timberline, Julian Richings. (PG-13, 143 mins)

It's only through sheer luck that Zack Snyder, the director that fanboys love to hate, hasn't become a Hollywood pariah of M. Night Shyamalan proportions.  Love him or hate him--and if internet message boards are to be taken seriously, most movie fans fall under the latter--there's no denying that Snyder's got balls.  This is a guy who not only had the chutzpah to remake a classic like George A. Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD, but shocked even the most doubtful naysayers (myself included) when that 2004 remake turned out to be surprisingly good.  After his 2006 blockbuster 300, Snyder helmed 2009's WATCHMEN, an ambitious fool's mission that had no possibility of pleasing fans of the legendary graphic novel, but works very well taken on its own terms, especially in the 186-minute director's cut.  Following the 2010 animated film LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS: THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE, Snyder unveiled his most divisive film yet with 2011's SUCKER PUNCH, which opened to devastating reviews in what looked a lot more like a critical pile-on rather than an objective analysis of the film.  It's amazing that Snyder got a major studio to bankroll his bizarre pet project, especially considering that WATCHMEN didn't live up to box-office expectations.  SUCKER PUNCH is one of the most misunderstood and unjustly maligned major-studio films in recent years, and if you got caught up in the rabid bloodlust that took it down, it might be worth another look.  In just two years, it's already acquired a fervent cult following, and if there's such a thing as "Zack Snyder's masterpiece," I'm almost certain it will be SUCKER PUNCH.

A lot of directors with more clout than Snyder would've been bounced off the A-list after a commercial failure like SUCKER PUNCH, but he's obviously got believers in his corner at Warner Bros., who tapped him to helm the SUPERMAN reboot MAN OF STEEL.  Teaming with producer Christopher Nolan and screenwriter David S. Goyer, Snyder's revisionist take on the Superman saga tries to go for a dark and ultra-serious DARK KNIGHT approach and for about half of the film, it looks like they might pull it off.  We don't really need another Superman origin story, but we get one anyway, and it doesn't really look or feel like any previous SUPERMAN outing.  On the dying planet Krypton, scientist Jor-El (Russell Crowe) refuses to go along with a coup by irate military leader General Zod (Michael Shannon).  Jor-El and his wife Lara Lor-Van (Ayelet Zurer) have just accomplished the unthinkable and had a child via natural birth, which hasn't happened on Krypton in 3000 years.  That child, Kal-El, is sent to Earth with a device known as the "codex," which will be able to preserve the Kryptonian people.

30 years later, the infant Kal-El has grown into drifter Clark Kent (Henry Cavill), who works a series of odd jobs, never staying anywhere too long since hints of his true nature always start to manifest, as they have since childhood when his spacecraft was found in Smallville, KS by the childless Kents.  Jonathan (Kevin Costner) and Martha (Diane Lane) Kent raised Clark, living in constant fear that the government would come and take him away, but as Jonathan explains, "nobody ever came."  Teenaged Clark's superhuman powers--demonstrated when he pulls a bus filled with students out of the river--make him a misunderstood outcast, and following Jonathan's death, he leaves Smallville on a quest to find himself.  The secret to his nature lies in a frozen spacecraft where he learns about his true self from the holographic image of Jor-El.  Meanwhile, Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane (Amy Adams) is chasing a story that brings her together with Clark, right around the same time that the banished Zod figures out that the codex is on Earth, and that Jor-El's son might be in possession of it.

So far, so good.  Maybe not for the purists, but as a radically different take on a familiar subject, MAN OF STEEL gets off to a promising start.  But once Zod arrives on Earth, Snyder seems to check out and the film becomes just another loud, blurry, ugly alien invasion epic with wall-to-wall video-game CGI and endless 9/11-inspired destruction porn straight out of a TRANSFORMERS movie.  Throughout the film, but especially in the second half, Snyder uses--and overuses--an incredibly annoying shaky-zoom move in nearly every scene.  I don't even mind the changes they made to the origin story.  I don't read comic books and I'm not slavishly devoted to any of these characters or stories and filmmakers are free to show me any interpretation of them that they so desire.  But the constant sense of destructive spectacle--and it's really not spectacular--just goes on forever and gets dizzyingly dull around the time the 43rd Metropolis skyscraper slowly collapses.  The actors take a good chunk of the climax off, replaced by CGI doppelgangers who pinball all over the screen. I thought the CGI backlash and eventual moviegoer rejection of it would've happened by this point, but I guess I just need to put up or shut up.  This is obviously just how movies look now.

Cavill is physically an impressive, imposing Superman, but we don't see much in the way of emotion beyond moody and sullen.  Christopher Reeve is a tough act to follow in this role, and it's not Cavill's fault--he's just not working with much of a script.  From a story and screenplay standpoint, Nolan and Goyer seem to be having a rare off-day here, or maybe the dark and grim post-9/11 motif just works better for Batman.  Then again, Nolan's BATMAN films had some thematic depth to them and didn't turn into Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich joints in their second halves, so it's hard to say whether it was Nolan's or Snyder's call to dumb it down to lowest common denominator destruction.  MAN OF STEEL starts strong but ultimately, there's just no story here.  It makes the hero dull and uninteresting, and the villain one-dimensionally cartoonish, with Shannon's overacting a weak substitute for Terence Stamp's Zod from SUPERMAN (1978) and SUPERMAN II (1981), and he's not helped by a ludicrously distracting hipster goatee.  Reliable pros like Laurence Fishburne (as Perry White), Christopher Meloni and Harry Lennix (as military officials), and Richard Schiff (as a scientist or something) are onscreen a lot but have little to do.  Crowe makes an interesting, man-of-action Jor-El and has much more to do than in Marlon Brando's check-cashing interpretation of the character, which seemed scripted around how little work Brando really wanted to do while still getting top billing. 

The film's most human, sympathetic moments come from Lane and Costner.  Costner only has a few scenes, all flashbacks, but he projects the same loving, fatherly warmth that Glenn Ford did so masterfully in only two brief scenes in the 1978 film, which handled Pa Kent's death in a way that seemed more authentic.  [SPOILER] In MAN OF STEEL, it's an excuse for another big special effects scene, and no matter how heartbreaking that shot is of Costner holding his hand up and silently telling Clark to not save him, the circumstances are just too hard to buy [END SPOILER].  But therein lies the central problem with MAN OF STEEL:  it has no heart and ultimately, no purpose after the midway point.  After setting up what would seem to be a unique take on the Superman story in Snyder's typical expectations-be-damned way, it all gets chucked to make another faceless, soulless, instantly disposable Hollywood summer product, completely interchangeable with countless others that have come before it.  Snyder has proven himself a fearless filmmaker, but in giving MAN OF STEEL the DARK KNIGHT treatment, he's made an intermittently interesting misfire that, when it's finally over, feels less like an auteur's vision and more like something that's been focus-grouped into immediate irrelevance.

 

 

On DVD/Blu-ray: ABSOLUTE DECEPTION (2013); HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013); and ECSTASY (2012)

ABSOLUTE DECEPTION
(Australia/Canada - 2013)

Midway through Cuba Gooding Jr.'s latest straight-to-DVD thriller, the Oscar-winning actor, playing FBI agent Nelson, confronts smug villain Osterberg (Chris Betts, who looks like Australian Bob Gunton) at his beach house as the two demonstrate their fluency in speaking Cliché:

Osterberg: "Welllll...Agent Nelson!"

Nelson: "You'll be exchanging this view for an 8 x 10 cell soon enough."

Osterberg: "Don't be making predictions above your pay grade, Agent Nelson.  Care to stay for lunch?"

Nelson: "I'd care to kick your ass!"

ABSOLUTE DECEPTION pretty much stays at that level throughout, with Gooding sleepwalking through a paid Australian vacation as Agent Nelson investigates the murder of an American named Archer (Ty Hungerford) at the hands of hitmen in the employ of Australian media mogul Osterberg, who may have been involved in some convoluted Ponzi scheme with the dead man.  Archer also led a mysterious double life, as Rebecca (Emmanuelle Vaugier), his crusading journalist wife back in NYC, believes she's a widow whose husband died two years earlier.  Nelson and Rebecca team up, facing obstacles from Osterberg and the Gold Coast police all the way. 

The film plods along under the clock-punching direction of Ozploitation icon Brian Trenchard-Smith, who's mainly doing Lifetime and cable movies these days, in addition to directing episodes of the Skinemax series CHEMISTRY.  Trenchard-Smith gets a lifetime pass thanks to his cult-movie glory days of THE MAN FROM HONG KONG (1975), STUNT ROCK (1978), ESCAPE 2000 (1982), BMX BANDITS (1983), DEAD-END DRIVE-IN (1986), THE SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA (1989), and numerous others, but he hasn't made a noteworthy genre film in almost 20 years and it's really sad to see him slumming with forgettable junk like this.  The kind of movie that has an establishing shot of the NYC skyline with the caption "New York, USA," ABSOLUTE DECEPTION showcases dubiously crummy visual FX, from the de rigeur CGI splatter to a yacht explosion that looks like it was achieved courtesy of an app on Trenchard-Smith's smartphone (check it out in the trailer above), and from the video-burned credits on, it looks more like an episode of CSI: MIAMI than an actual movie.  With the easily-removable digital blood and the surprising lack of profanity (at one point, Vaugier calls someone "a miserable puke"), it almost looks like it was shot under the presumption that it might go directly to broadcast TV.  Gooding's performance is passable--he obviously doesn't give a shit--but Vaugier, sporting some incredibly unflattering penciled-on eyebrows that make her look a decade older than she is, is just awful.  (R, 92 mins)



HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS
(US/Germany - 2013)

Obviously meant to be a campy, tongue-in-cheek take on the Brothers Grimm fairy tale, HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS starts off enjoyably enough, but quickly turns tedious and repetitive.  As children, orphaned Hansel and Gretel defeated an evil witch and burned her alive, and as adults, played by Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, they're mercenary witch hunters-for-hire, bringing along their arsenal of high-tech weaponry that's intentionally anachronistic (along with dialogue like "You gotta be fuckin' kidding me!") to rid of a village of a witch (Famke Janssen) who's been abducting children.  It's admirable that writer/director Tommy Wirkola (the overrated Nazi zombie cult flick DEAD SNOW) aimed this at adults and went for a hard-R rating, but the only other surprise about WITCH HUNTERS is how boring it is.  There's some tell-tale signs of a troubled production--several delayed release dates leading to two years on the shelf, choppy editing, and a noticeably truncated running time (the closing credits start rolling at the 80-minute mark, not typical of a $50 million movie).  Arterton seems to be having some fun playing a badass Gretel, but Renner, who shot this before working on THE AVENGERS and THE BOURNE LEGACY, just looks bored silly, a sentiment he didn't even try to conceal during the contractually-obligated media blitz when the film was finally released in January 2013, often appearing to be in physical pain trying to sound enthusiastic about it.  The film did well enough for a sequel to be announced, though I can't imagine anyone--starting with Renner--wanting one.  Then again, we got a sequel to G.I. JOE, so what do I know?  (R, 88 mins)

ECSTASY
(Canada - 2012)

Despite its good intentions, it's hard for ECSTASY to not feel like an inferior TRAINSPOTTING knockoff that's been frozen in ice since the late '90s and just now thawed out.  Like Danny Boyle's 1996 hit, ECSTASY is based on an Irvine Welsh work, in this case the novella "The Undefeated" from his 1996 collection Ecstasy, and deals with similarly drug-addled characters in Edinburgh.  This time, however, the drug of choice is Ecstasy, and the central character, Lloyd (Adam Sinclair) owes money to local crime boss Solo (Carlo Rota), who doesn't approve of Lloyd and his pals Woodsy (Billy Boyd) and Ally (Keram Malicki-Sanchez) making money from raves and dealing and cutting him out of his percentage.  These guys are too old to be living the wild lifestyles they are, and even Ally asks Lloyd at one point, "You ever notice we're the oldest punters in the club?"  Lloyd regularly runs drugs from Amsterdam to Edinburgh for Solo, and attempts to do the proverbial "one last job" after he falls in love with Canadian Heather (Kristin Kreuk), who recently left her cheating Scottish husband Hugh (Dean McDermott).  TRAINSPOTTING succeeded because of the lightning-in-a-bottle collaboration between Boyle and several promising newcomers turning in star-marking performances (I still can't see Robert Carlyle and not think of Begbie).  ECSTASY director/co-writer Rob Heydon isn't Boyle, and his cast simply isn't as compelling.  It doesn't help matters that it's a Canadian production and other than Scotsmen Sinclair, Boyd, and WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?'s Colin Mochrie (as a priest), the cast is mostly Canadians attempting unconvincing Scottish accents, with Rota (doing nothing more than a Scottish variation of the mob boss he played in THE BOONDOCK SAINTS) and Stephen McHattie (as Lloyd's alcoholic dad) really struggling.  Other than the unexpected casting of Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson in a small role as a doctor in a rehab clinic trying to help Woodsy get clean, there's nothing of note in the bland and predictable ECSTASY.  It's not a terrible movie by any means, but all it really succeeds in doing is making you wish you were watching TRAINSPOTTING again instead.  (Unrated, 104 mins, also streaming on Netflix)

In Theaters: THE PURGE (2013)

THE PURGE
(US/France - 2013)

Written and directed by James DeMonaco.  Cast: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey, Adelaide Kane, Max Burkholder, Edwin Hodge, Rhys Wakefield, Tony Oller, Arija Bareikis, Chris Mulkey, Tisha French, Dana Bunch, Tom Yi. (R, 85 mins)

The dystopian home invasion thriller THE PURGE is set in 2022 America, a few years after the "New Founding Fathers" have salvaged the economy and rebuilt the country due in large part to the annual Purge:  one night a year, from 7:00 pm to 7:00 am (perhaps the New Founding Fathers also instituted a singular, nationwide time zone), all crime is legal, with the exception of acts committed against certain ranks of government or police officials, and nothing above "Class 4" weapons can be used, presumably to rule out mass killings, domestic terrorism, etc.  By allowing these 12 hours of cathartic release--the slogan is "Release the Beast!"--everyone theoretically gets all of the aggression, anger, and negativity out of their system for 364 more days.  You can kill your boss, your cheating spouse, or anyone else who's pissed you off and be free from prosecution and the consequences.  But "Purgers" are primarily the rich and entitled targeting the poor and the perceived societal moochers, the "filthy swine" that now exist only to serve as targets for The Purge.  Critics of The Purge argue that it's just a new way for the one-percenters to take out their frustration against the less fortunate--the lower class and the homeless, though even its critics concede that it appears to be working.

James Sandin (Ethan Hawke) lives in a gated, suburban enclave with his wife Mary (Lena Headey), rebellious teenage daughter Zoey (Adelaide Kane), and shy, tech-nerd son Charlie (Max Burkholder).  The Sandins are living large, thanks to James being the top sales rep with a local security company.  He sold high-tech security systems to all of his neighbors in preparation for The Purge and now has the biggest, gaudiest house on the block, which is pointed out to Mary by friendly neighbor Grace (Arija Bareikis) as she drops off some cookies, telling Mary "A lot of the neighbors think they paid for all the additions to your house...but it's just neighborly gossip."  The politically neutral James doesn't necessarily agree with The Purge, but displays the blue flowers of support for it outside his house and is happy that it's provided him with so much money and material goods (he's thinking about buying a boat with its own parking garage simply because he can afford it, even as he chuckles "Who would need a car on a boat?").  The Sandins settle in for The Purge with their house on steel-vaulted lockdown, but that ends quickly when Charlie sees an injured African-American man (Edwin Hodge) stumbling down the street, crying out for help.  Charlie disarms the security system and lets the man in.  It turns out he was being pursued by a group of college-aged masked revelers and other products of privilege having a "Purge Party."  The leader (Rhys Wakefield) demands the Sandins turn over the man, a homeless war veteran, but that proves difficult when, in the confusion over Charlie disarming the system in the first place, the man is able to run off and hide somewhere in the house.  The eccentric Purge leader (Wakefield's character is in the credits as "Polite Stranger") demands James turn over the man or they'll dismantle the security system and enter to house to kill them all, explaining that "You're one of us, Mr. Sandin.  We don't want to do this to you and your family."  The family splits up to search for the homeless man and deal with other troubles--Zoey's boyfriend (Tony Oller) managed to sneak into the house earlier to have some words with James--but the Polite Stranger runs out of patience, ordering his Purging companions to launch a full-scale attack on the Sandin mansion.

THE PURGE is written and directed by James DeMonaco, who's got some experience with these sort-of "siege" situations, scripting 1998's excellent THE NEGOTIATOR and the surprisingly good 2005 remake of John Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13.  Hawke starred in the PRECINCT 13 remake, and he and DeMonaco are good buddies who also worked together on 2009's little-seen STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK.  DeMonaco introduces some very politically-charged exposition in THE PURGE but it soon gets sidelined as much of the film turns into your standard home-invasion thriller that owes a tremendous debt to Sam Peckinpah's STRAW DOGS (1971) and the more recent THE STRANGERS (2008), in addition to a first-season STAR TREK episode titled "The Return of the Archons," which DeMonaco actually cited as an inspiration for the "Purge" period of lawlessness.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, as THE PURGE often works on a purely visceral level, especially in some of the incredibly violent confrontations in the third act (it's hard not to feel the adrenaline when James not only buries an axe in a Purger's back, but then blows his head off for good measure), but the very concept is crying out for more substance--more bite--than DeMonaco chooses to give it.  It doesn't really explore the critiques that it lays out--greed, entitlement, selfishness, the inherently violent nature of America today--and instead opts to become a mostly by-the-numbers thriller, at least until it's shown that the have-mores can be just as despised as the have-nots.  But even then, it builds to a weak finish, and in films like this, the house (or whatever structure is under siege) must also be a character in the sense that the viewer must know the layout and the basic floor plan, otherwise it makes no sense.  We never get the tour of the Sandin home and it's such a maze that we never really know where people are.  Once the Purgers force their way in and start pursuing the family and the homeless man, it seems ludicrous that 8-12 people can wander through a house and down long hallways and not run into anyone else for long periods.  Perhaps the intent was to illustrate how ridiculously big the house is, but I doubt it.

Given its invasion/siege plot, I couldn't stop thinking about what someone like the aforementioned John Carpenter--in full-on, angry THEY LIVE mode--could've done with this concept.  DeMonaco obviously finds Carpenter an inspiration, not just in his previous work scripting the PRECINCT 13 remake, but also in some of THE PURGE's suspense sequences being punctuated with the kind of driving, repetitious score that makes Carpenter films so identifiable.  A hypothetical "John Carpenter's THE PURGE"--or say, Paul Verhoeven or George A. Romero or even Joe Dante--other genre filmmakers who have expertly balanced suspense/horror with eviscerating social commentary--would've fully explored and fleshed-out the political ramifications of THE PURGE, while DeMonaco only hints at them early and late, with the bulk of the film feeling overly familiar.   As far as summer movies go, it's fast-moving, never boring, knows how long to stick around (the credits start rolling just shy of the 80-minute mark), and the performances are fine, especially Headey, who's very good toward the end.  THE PURGE isn't bad, but it could've followed through on its premise and been something a little more substantive.

On DVD/Blu-ray: IT'S A DISASTER (2013); CHARLIE ZONE (2013); and THE BIG BAD (2012)

IT'S A DISASTER
(US - 2013)

Beating the all-star THIS IS THE END to theaters by a couple of months, this indie apocalypse comedy continues the end-of-the-world depictions of recent films like MELANCHOLIA, TAKE SHELTER, 4:44: LAST DAY ON EARTH, and SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD.  Featuring several members of the improv comedy outfit The Vacationeers, writer-director Todd Berger's IT'S A DISASTER has four couples meeting for Sunday brunch at the home of the about-to-divorce Pete (Blaise Miller) and Emma (Erinn Hayes), only to find out that a series of dirty bombs have gone off and that an incredibly toxic, lethal nerve gas has enveloped the city and possibly beyond.  Petty bickering and long-held grudges boil over as the couples are trapped inside the house, and it works when it's played for some squirm-inducing comedy of discomfort, a specialty of David Cross, who plays Glenn, the newcomer to the group on his third date with Tracy (Julia Stiles).  But mainly, it's a lot of ennui and whining among the eight characters.  There's also the six-years-engaged Hedy (America Ferrera) and Shane (Jeff Grace), who's preoccupied with an eBay auction for a rare X-Men comic, and swingers Lexi (Rachel Boston) and Buck (Kevin M. Brennan, who reminded me of a young Nicolas Cage), who try to goad Glenn into a threesome.  Some of it is cleverly-written, dark, and well-delivered, particularly Stiles coldly refusing to let a perpetually tardy fifth couple in the house after they arrive late and clearly infected with the nerve gas ("Maybe you should learn to show up to things on time, huh?") and getting emotional over the things she's never done: "I never went to Europe.  I never even went to Montreal...that's almost like Europe. I never went scuba-diving.  I never went to the ballet.  I've never been in love.  I never even watched THE WIRE!" to which Cross replies "All of those things are overrated.  Well, except for THE WIRE.  That was really good.  Maybe not the last season, but..."  But these characters generally aren't very interesting despite some laughs throughout, and a late-film revelation of a previously unseen side of someone does result in the term "Johnny Crazyballs" being introduced into the lexicon.  IT'S A DISASTER has some good moments, the closing scene is very funny (the cut to the credits is perfect), and it's still recommended, but there's just not quite enough here to sustain feature length.  (R, 90 mins)

 

 

 

 

CHARLIE ZONE

(Canada - 2013)

 

Shot in 2011, this wildly uneven and frequently heavy-handed Canadian thriller runs the gamut from sincere drama to sleazy exploitation and is effective and trite in almost equal doses.   Set in and around Halifax, Nova Scotia, the film finds disgraced First Nations boxer and ex-con Avery (Glen Gould) hired by Ava (Jennie Raymond) to rescue her younger, junkie half-sister Jan (Amanda Crew) from the clutches of a pair of drug pushers.  Avery quickly infiltrates their drug den in the seedy "Charlie Zone" slums and rescues Jan, but gets more than he bargained for when people show up to kill her.  The people Ava represents are indeed not Jan's "parents" at all but a pair of contract killers hired by Ava to make Jan, and Avery by association, disappear for reasons that will form a bond between the two outcasts as Jan tries to start her life over and Avery finds protecting her as a path to redemption. 

 

 

Like most of the cast, Gould (who projects a very Danny Trejo persona here) has logged a lot of time on various Canadian TV shows (only Crew seems to have cracked the US market extensively, co-starring in SEX DRIVE, THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT, and CHARLIE ST. CLOUD) and handles himself well when the material permits it.  Plausibility isn't one of CHARLIE ZONE's strong suits (what exactly is it about his past as a boxer that makes Avery an ideal undercover bounty hunter?), and you'll realize Avery is being duped long before he does.  It's structured very much like a TV-movie throughout, only with copious F-bombs and hard-R violence, and the too-tidy climax feels like the wrap-up of a LAW & ORDER: SVU episode.  CHARLIE ZONE is an odd little film, almost like director/co-writer Michael Melski couldn't find a specific focus and threw in a little of everything:  we spend a lot of time with the drug den shitbags long after they're no longer pertinent to the story, and there's a rush to cram in elements of Avery's past when we meet his grandfather (Agumeuay Nakanakis) and ex-girlfriend (Cindy Sampson) that he walked out on years ago. There's also some embarrassing dialogue along the lines of Avery telling Jan "You've got me in your corner now."  CHARLIE ZONE tries to accomplish too much, can't settle on a tone, glosses over some seemingly important details, and could've benefitted from more sure-handed direction, but Gould and Crew do some good work throughout.  (R, 103 mins)

 

 

THE BIG BAD

(US - 2012)

 

This very low-budget Long Island-shot indie horror film was somehow picked up for VOD release by Phase 4 last year, though it's hard to believe this ever made it beyond the festival circuit.  A dreary, ugly, and molasses-paced revenge thriller/werewolf movie, THE BIG BAD draws obvious parallels to "Little Red Riding Hood," but transplanted to a modern setting, largely in a dive bar called The Big Bad.  Red-headed Frankie (screenwriter Jessi Gotta) is after an elusive werewolf named Fenton Bailey (Timothy McCown Reynolds), who slaughtered her family and happens to be her ex-stepfather.  Frankie loses an eye in the process, allowing Gotta and director Bryan Enk to pay homage to THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE (there's also a JAWS-inspired scene with Gotta and lesbian lycanthrope Jessica Savage comparing scars), and eventually has her showdown with the big bad wolf, but man, what a tedious movie.  It's shot through the kind of hazy filter that ABC uses on Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer, and Enk is far too reliant on pointless shaky/jump edits that try to make it seem "edgy" or "grindhousey" but instead make it look like a VHS tape with tracking issues.  The werewolf makeup is surprisingly OK, but otherwise, THE BIG BAD isn't particularly clever, well-written, or original, the performances are community theater-level at best, it feels hours longer than it is, and it isn't the least bit enjoyable as a thriller, a horror movie, or an homage. It looks like a bunch of friends got together and had all the equipment and software necessary to make a professional-looking home movie.  I'm sure Gotta and Enk are nice kids and everyone has to start somewhere, but this is just terrible.  (R, 78 mins, also available on Netflix streaming)

 

 

 

In Theaters: AFTER EARTH (2013)

AFTER EARTH
(US - 2013)

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  Written by Gary Whitta and M. Night Shyamalan.  Cast: Jaden Smith, Will Smith, Zoe Isabella Kravitz, Sophie Okonedo, Glenn Morshower, Kristofer Hivju, David Denman.  (PG-13, 99 mins)

Opening to apocalyptically bad reviews despite Columbia keeping the involvement of Hollywood pariah M. Night Shyamalan as quiet as possible, AFTER EARTH is, yes, first and foremost, a Smith family vanity project.  There's two things going on here with the almost universal pre-release hate directed toward this film:  first, the Shyamalan factor.  Over the last few years, critics seem to be taking pleasure in the sinking of the director's career.  To his detriment, Shyamalan has made it very easy for them to resort to these rarely-reached levels of schadenfreude.  His hubris and his inflated ego made him an easy target, especially once the SIXTH SENSE novelty wore off and films like LADY IN THE WATER and THE HAPPENING started to torpedo his reputation.  Critics piled on THE LAST AIRBENDER to an absurd degree, but don't misunderstand me:  THE LAST AIRBENDER is not good, but it's nowhere near as awful as critics made it out to be.  At this point, it's almost expected for critics ranging from serious professionals all the way down to IMDb message board shut-ins to bag on anything Shyamalan does and that's probably not going to change.  Call him an asshole, a hack, a one-trick pony, whatever, but too many people are judging him and his past disappointments, and not the movie in question.  Hell, Michael Cimino bankrupted a studio and he never had this kind of abuse leveled at him.  Cimino made movies after HEAVEN'S GATE and the one-sheets still hyped his involvement.  At this point, Will Smith should be lauded just for having the courage to hire Shyamalan in the first place.

And speaking of Will Smith, particularly in his role as father to son Jaden, it's very unbecoming of professional, adult movie critics to take cheap shots at someone's kid.  Yes, Jaden Smith is a pampered Hollywood rich kid and he's kinda cocky and he's not nearly as charismatic as his dad, doesn't have the same screen presence, and isn't as good of an actor.   But he's still a kid and having said that, a 14-year-old kid, even if he's insanely wealthy and reaping the benefits of nepotism, shouldn't be the object of such pithy scorn and mean-spirited ridicule by people who should know better.  I'm not implying that kids who act should get a pat on the back and a pass.  Some child actors are terrible.  But there's a way to say that without sounding like an asshole.  Furthermore, while Jaden is guilty of the unpardonable sin of hanging out with Justin Bieber, it's not his fault that he was born to rich and famous parents.  I only say this because when it comes to people like Shyamalan, and now Jaden Smith, critics seem to be attacking the people personally, with unbridled and frankly disturbing glee and some of the reviews of AFTER EARTH, many almost certainly written in part before the critics even saw the movie, actually border on bullying.  Shyamalan probably has a thick enough skin by now and doesn't really care what critics think, but a 14-year-old kid is still a 14-year-old kid.  I've been guilty of sarcastic comments and cheap shots in print and on this blog, but what is it about Shyamalan and the young Smith that turned an alarming number of critics into the tampon-throwing bitches from the opening scene of CARRIE?  I say this not to mount some passionate defense of AFTER EARTH or the Smith family, but only to say that no, it's nowhere near as awful as critics would have you believe and perhaps they were more concerned with being snarky dicks and joining the cool kids in the pile-on rather than objectively looking at the film.

AFTER EARTH gets off to a rocky start with a confusing and clumsily rolled-out exposition involving Earth being declared uninhabitable after various catastrophes both natural and man-made, with humanity relocating to a distant galaxy on a planet called Nova Prime.  Over 1000 years later, the Ranger Corps regularly battle large reptilian creatures known as the Ursas, which hunt by sensing the fear in their enemy.  The Rangers, led by legendary war hero Gen. Cypher Raige (Will Smith), are experts in a technique called "ghosting," which masks their fear, allowing them to defeat the Ursas.  Cypher has been away in battle for several years, and is a largely absent figure at home, where his wife Faia (Sophie Okonedo) is raising their son Kitai (Jaden Smith), who was just rejected by the Rangers for his inability to follow orders and still blames himself for not stepping up several years earlier when his older sister Senshi (Zoe Isabella Kravitz) was killed by an Ursa.  Kitai was only nine years old, but he also feels that Cypher blames him as well.  Cypher has one last training mission before his retirement, and Faia convinces him that Kitai "doesn't need a commanding officer...he needs his father" and talks him into taking Kitai along as a way for the two to bond.  The ship is hit by an asteroid storm and breaks apart, crashing on Earth, which no longer supports human life for long periods as they've adapted over time to the atmosphere of Nova Prime.  Cypher and Kitai are the only survivors, and the distress beacon is with a part of the ship that landed 100 km in another direction.  Both of Cypher's legs are broken in the crash, and Kitai must travel on foot to retrieve the beacon.  Also making his journey difficult:  the high probability that an Ursa that was onboard the ship to be used as a "ghosting" training exercise has survived the crash may make things difficult for Kitai.

Shot in beautiful locations in areas like Costa Rica, Pennsylvania, and Utah by veteran David Cronenberg cinematographer Peter Suschitzky, AFTER EARTH looks great on a big screen.  The script, by Shyamalan and Gary Whitta (THE BOOK OF ELI) with uncredited contributions from Stephen Gaghan (TRAFFIC, SYRIANA) and Mark Boal (THE HURT LOCKER, ZERO DARK THIRTY) was based on a story idea by Will Smith.  The film suffers from far too predictable character arcs and the absence of anything really innovative or surprising (there's no Shyamalan twist ending here), but it's an involving enough adventure and young Smith doesn't come off like the spoiled, talentless brat that internet mouth-breathers would have you believe.  It's nothing I'd watch a second time and I'm not saying it's a FIELD OF DREAMS-level man-weepie, but I wasn't bored and it's a nice movie for dads and younger sons to see together.  And honestly, if you want to talk Summer 2013 sci-fi flicks so far, I'd rank AFTER EARTH above STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS. 

Yeah, I said it.

In Theaters: NOW YOU SEE ME (2013)

NOW YOU SEE ME
(US - 2013)

Directed by Louis Leterrier.  Written by Ed Solomon, Boaz Yakin, and Edward Ricourt.  Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Melanie Laurent, Isla Fisher, Dave Franco, Common, Michael Kelly, David Warshofsky, Jose Garcia, Caitriona Balfe. (PG-13, 110 mins)

A sort-of OCEAN'S MAGICIANS if you will, the fast-paced NOW YOU SEE ME is a light-hearted and mostly enjoyable caper movie that has elaborate, large-scale heists being pulled off by a team of celebrity illusionists.  The team--dubbed "The Four Horsemen"--consists of the cocky J. Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), mentalist/hypnotist Merritt Osbourne (Woody Harrelson), escape artist Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher), and con man Jack Wilder (Dave Franco), assembled a year earlier when they were scraping by as small-time hustlers and street magicians, brought together by an elusive fifth horseman.  The Four Horsemen stage the first of three jobs as part of a mysterious plan that, of course, doesn't reveal itself until the very end:  first they somehow empty a bank vault in Paris while on stage in Vegas.  Then, in New Orleans, they drain the bank account of their sponsor and insurance magnate Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine) and deposit the money into the accounts of the audience members, all victims of Hurricane Katrina whose claims were shot down by Tressler's company.  Finally, they plot to steal a huge safe in NYC.  But why?

Irate FBI agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) teams with French Interpol agent Alma Dray (Melanie Laurent) to investigate, but can't hold the Horsemen because there's really no proof that they did anything.  The magic isn't real and despite their open admission of guilt, they can't be detained or charged because, as Doug Henning might say, "it's an illusion!"  Also tracking the Horsemen is Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman), a magic expert who hosts a popular cable TV show that exposes and debunks magic tricks and those who perform them.  Bradley is being paid $5 million by a mystery benefactor to expose the Horsemen and their tricks, and Rhodes immediately suspects him to be the fifth Horseman.

"The closer you look, the less you'll actually see" is a common refrain for the characters in NOW YOU SEE ME, and with the inevitable twist--and it's a whopper--the film kinda flies off the rails a bit.  The filmmakers--director Louis Leterrier (TRANSPORTER 2, THE INCREDIBLE HULK) and writers Ed Solomon (MEN IN BLACK), Boaz Yakin (FRESH, SAFE), and Edward Ricourt--generally play fair when you go back and re-examine the film upon learning the fifth horseman's identity, but it does get a little silly by the end, and the subplot about the secret magician's society and the "Eye of Horus" never really comes together.  But when NOW YOU SEE ME is focused on the caper and the characters, it's great fun throughout.  The banter between the magicians is well-played, particularly by Eisenberg and Harrelson, and Ruffalo's teeth-gritting slow burn throughout, especially when losing his patience with Eisenberg (playing his SOCIAL NETWORK smug condescension act for laughs) or in his verbal sparring with Freeman (illustrating a trick, Freeman asks "What's the magic word?" to which Ruffalo replies "Blow me") is very entertaining.  The film tries too hard to knock your socks off by the end, and of course you can pick it apart and see the lapses in logic if you really want to (and there's too much CGI in some of the magic trickery), but we're not dealing with THE ASPHALT JUNGLE, BOB LA FLAMBEUR, or THIEF here.  It's a summer movie with laughs, suspense, and a likable cast (even Freeman is uncharacteristically loose throughout, and it's always great to see an enraged Caine spitting out his dialogue), but it finally stumbles when it isn't content to just be what it is.  Another script polish--and fleshing out or just eliminating all the Horus stuff--might've made a good movie better, but as it is, it's still quite fun.