Following his BROTHER NATURE triumph, former SNL star Taran Killam wrote, directed, and stars in the straight-to-VOD KILLING GUNTHER, a dismal, would-be Christopher Guest mockumentary about a camera crew following a team of hired killers as they join forces to take out Gunther Bendik, the world's deadliest and most elusive assassin. In other words, if you ever thought "You know, SMOKIN' ACES was OK, but I'd like to see it in BEST IN SHOW form," then here's your movie. The first hour slogs by with maybe one remotely inventive moment that will be completely lost on any viewers outside of Canada (a drunk karaoke take on Lawrence Gowan's 1985 hit "A Criminal Mind") as hit man Blake Hammon (Killam) assembles the crack team to help him kill Gunther: there's explosives expert Donald Piznowski (Killam's SNL pal Bobby Moynihan); sniper Sanaa "Little Nightmare" Fairouza (NEW GIRL's Hannah Simone); her overprotective father Rahmat "The Nightmare" Fairouza (Peter Kelamis); genius dweeb hacker Gabe "The Human Computer" Beales (Paul Brittain, who had a very brief SNL stint several years ago); mechanical-handed Izzat "Crusher" Bukhari (Amir Talai); chronically-vomiting "Master of Poisons" Pak Yong Qi (Aaron Yoo); and unhinged Russian siblings Mia (FARGO's Allison Tolman) and Barold Bellakalakova (SUPERSTORE's Ryan Gaul). Gunther always seems to be one step ahead of them, often sabotaging their plans and playing head games and practical jokes, such as blowing up the casket at the funeral of Blake's 104-year-old mentor Ashley (Aubrey Sixto). Also peripherally involved is Blake's ex-girlfriend, retired hit woman Lisa McCulla (Killam's wife Cobie Smulders), who hooked up with Gunther following the breakup, which is ultimately revealed to be the sole reason heartbroken Blake is obsessed with hunting him down.
KILLING GUNTHER is a near-laughless miasma of tired jokes (watch Moynihan attempt at T.J. HOOKER hood slide!), shameless mugging (almost every moment Killam is front and center), lazy references that are supposed to be funny just because of nostalgia (Moynihan doing a karaoke version of Sister Hazel's "All for You"), and bush-league CGI explosions and splatter. He was funny and versatile on SNL, but the last thing the world needed was a self-indulgent Taran Killam vanity project, and the only thing that saves KILLING GUNTHER from complete ruin is the belated arrival of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Gunther. Top-billed on the poster, Arnold doesn't even appear until 70 minutes in (the closing credits roll at 85 minutes) but he immediately injects life into the dreary proceedings as it's revealed Gunther has assembled his own camera crew to make a documentary about Blake's documentary. Arnold has some self-deprecating fun, gets to crack a few almost-quotable zingers ("Those fucking dickholes!" and "My cappuccino is to die for!"), and even sings a twangy ditty called "Earthquake Love" under Gunther's country music alter ego "Cord Billmont." Unfortunately, his too-little, too-late third-act comedy heroics aren't enough to make KILLING GUNTHER worth a damn to anyone other than the most devout Schwarzenegger completists after they've skipped the first hour. (R, 93 mins)
MAYHEM
(US - 2017)
An overbearing splatter satire on cutthroat office politics, MAYHEM got some of the best reviews of any genre title this year, but in the end, it's obvious, obnoxious, overrated, and far too pleased with itself in the same way that most prefab cult movies are. Combining elements of OFFICE SPACE and 28 DAYS LATER, MAYHEM takes place over one long day at the corporate headquarters of the legal behemoth Towers & Smythe Consulting, where the secret mission statement is "greed, duplicity, and moral decay" according to ambitious lawyer Derek Cho (Steven Yeun, formerly Glenn on THE WALKING DEAD). Derek wants to make it to the top, and he gets a big boost after concocting a legal defense for "redders," those infected by a rage virus that turns them into red-eyed, homicidal maniacs who, thanks to Derek, can't be held accountable for their actions. "I wanted the corner office, and for my sins, they gave me one," explains apparent APOCALYPSE NOW fan Derek. But today is not Derek's day, as shit rolls downhill and the powers that be way up the ladder have decided to scapegoat him in a botched case on which he didn't even work. Cokehead CEO Towers (Steven Brand as Sean Pertwee) won't even see him, instead delegating Derek's immediate termination to bitch-on-wheels underling Kara "The Siren" Powell (Caroline Chikezie) and emotionless HR automaton Lester "The Reaper" McGill (Dallas Roberts). On his way to being escorted out, Derek finds the building under quarantine after traces of the "redder" virus are found in the ventilation system and will take eight hours to dissipate. So begins one long work day of everyone falling victim to the virus, which triggers a breakdown of moral barriers (not to mention narrative coherence), unleashing uncontrolled anger, depression, fear, and lust that's accelerated by things like caffeine and antidepressants. Glenn is determined to make it to the top floor (symbolism!) and expose Towers and the equally devious Smythe (Kerry Fox, who starred in Jane Campion's AN ANGEL AT MY TABLE and Danny Boyle's SHALLOW GRAVE in better days) for their lies and corruption. He gets help from Melanie Cross (Samara Weaving), who happened to be stuck in the building trying to get the foreclosure of her home reversed, as they arm themselves with power tools, buzzsaws, and nail guns to fight their way through the redder-infested building.
MAYHEM was directed by Joe Lynch, an indie-horror darling of the HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN generation whose previous credits include a segment of the anthology throwback CHILLERAMA and the terrible Salma Hayek actioner EVERLY. Like too many of his contemporaries, Lynch specializes in genre films that are created under the assumption that they're already cult classics right out of the gate. MAYHEM spends far too much time on boring office backstabbing and by the time the titular brouhaha begins, it's just a lot of yelling, screaming, and over-the-top violence. Nothing in MAYHEM is particularly humorous, and its observations on getting ahead in the workplace and being successful aren't exactly insightful ("I didn't have a job...my job had me" sighs Derek). There's also the obligatory pandering to the scenesters, from Steve Moore's '80s-inspired synth score to a major characters's death being accompanied by a really loud Wilhelm Scream guaranteed to elicit fanboy chants of "Gooble gobble, one of us!" The best thing about the film is Weaving (niece of the great Hugo Weaving), who's had a busy 2017 highlighted by the surprisingly entertaining Netflix film THE BABYSITTER. She's a lot of fun in that film and she gives MAYHEM a needed boost every time she's onscreen. Weaving dives into this with spirited gusto and sense of humor (her dismissal of The Dave Matthews Band in favor of Motorhead, D.R.I. and "early Anthrax" is a highlight), compensating for the dumb script and the bland Yeun, so much so that you almost wish she was main star. This thing's currently rocking an 82% on Rotten Tomatoes, but I'm honestly stumped as to why. Call it 28 BELKO EXPERIMENTS LATER and move on. (Unrated, 87 mins)
KRAMPUS (US - 2015) Directed by Michael Dougherty. Written by Todd Casey, Michael Dougherty and Zach Shields. Cast: Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, Allison Tolman, Conchata Ferrell, Krista Stadler, Emjay Anthony, Stefania LaVie Owen, Lolo Owen, Queenie Samuel, Maverick Flack, Luke Hawker. (PG-13, 98 mins) Inspired by a nightmarish holiday figure in Germanic folklore, KRAMPUS is at times quaintly old-fashioned in the way that, with a few tweaks, it could've been pretty much the same movie 30 years ago. It's got some dark elements in line with today's more snarky and cynical audiences, but in terms of style, score, and visual effects (yes, there's CGI, but there's a lot of practical-based work as well), it's the kind of GREMLINS-era mix of horror and dark comedy that recalls both the best of Joe Dante and a high-end, big-budget Full Moon title. It's a film out of its own time, much like its young protagonist Max (Emjay Anthony), a ten-year-old who's already nostalgic for a few years ago, desperately clinging to the notion of Santa Claus as his childhood slips away. His older sister Beth (Stefania LaVie Owen) is always off with her boyfriend, and his parents Tom (Adam Scott) and Sarah (Toni Collette) love each other but are very slowly growing complacent and drifting, with Tom spending so much time at work and Sarah's realization that time keeps ticking. The mood isn't helped by the holidays, which are supposed to bring cheer but instead bring relatives: Sarah's sister Linda (Allison Tolman), her right-wing, gun-nut husband Howard (David Koechner), and their abrasively unpleasant children, bullying tomboys Stevie (Lolo Owen) and Jordan (Queenie Samuel) and silent-except-for-belching, Mountain Dew-guzzing Howie Jr (Maverick Flack, easily the most awesomely-named horror movie child actor since 28 WEEKS LATER's Mackintosh Muggleton), plus the bonus surprise of booze-guzzling, constantly-complaining Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell).
In its earliest scenes, KRAMPUS does a great job of nailing all the terrible things about the holiday season, starting with an opening credits sequence that shows a mob of frothing-at-the-mouth shoppers stampeding into a big-box retailer in a symphony of destruction and mindless consumerism. Likewise, anyone will be able to relate to the dread and unease of family--people you might not necessarily be close to but they're family so you spend the holidays together--visiting, whether it's the way a judgmental aunt criticizes your cooking or your decor or the way you have to listen to your conservative blowhard brother-in-law bitch about Democrats and parroting what he heard on talk radio. When Stevie and Jordan make fun of Max's letter to Santa, Max tears it up and tosses it out the window. This fateful act awakens Krampus, a hooved, horned demon described by Tom's German-speaking mother Omi (Krista Stadler) in a beautifully-executed animated detour as "the shadow of St. Nicholas," the vengeful spirit who brings death and destruction on those who've lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas. When a blizzard hits the next morning, knocks out the power and makes travel impossible, the family is holed up inside the house, forced to deal with each other and the evil elves of Krampus, who's trying to get into the house to teach them all a lesson.
KRAMPUS is directed and co-written by Michael Dougherty, a Bryan Singer associate who co-wrote X2 and SUPERMAN RETURNS but is best known for writing and directing the cult horror anthology TRICK 'R TREAT, which was bounced around the release schedule for two years before going straight-to-DVD in 2009. I found it merely OK, but TRICK 'R TREAT has become a beloved Halloween favorite for today's horror fans, and with KRAMPUS, Dougherty establishes himself as the go-to guy for holiday fright. Both films have Dougherty demonstrating a fondness for (relatively) old-school horror, particularly the crowd-pleasing types of the '80s. KRAMPUS isn't necessarily scary, but it has a nicely creepy feel throughout, whether it's the snowbound desolation or the way ominous-looking snowmen keep popping up in the front yard and moving closer to the house. There's also a loving homage to the video-store favorites from Charles Band's Full Moon, with some evil toys and gingerbread men coming to life and attacking the family in vintage DEMONIC TOYS fashion, with an incredulous Howard, after shotgun-blasting gingerbread men who were attacking him with a nail gun, shouting "I just got my ass kicked by a bunch of Christmas cookies...I'll believe anything!" Of course, the family bands together and casts aside their differences to survive the holiday onslaught, and KRAMPUS is probably accessible enough that kids would enjoy it, but it does get darker than you'd expect, especially in the way it pulls no punches in terms of who it's willing to kill off and in its deceptively happy ending that's really anything but. I don't think Dougherty has quite made his knock-it-out-of-the-park horror classic yet (despite horror scenester hype that KRAMPUS is "the next great horror classic!"), but his is a welcome voice that still has a lot of promise if he doesn't keep taking eight years between movies.
